


, supposes Moses - erroneously

by shella688



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Brotp, Crack, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, absolute crack, canon-typical desregard for all authority, semi-recreation of That scene from singing in the rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 19:29:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20879483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shella688/pseuds/shella688
Summary: Transferable skillsphraseSkills acquired through life experience, often useful in employment.Examples include communication, teamwork, and the ability to to piss off yet another alien tyrant.





	, supposes Moses - erroneously

**Author's Note:**

> I researched both Polari and US slang from the 20s, so hopefully it's fairly accurate

"Is it safe?" Donna asked.

"What? Of course it is! We're on the planet Kaltro IV - safest place this side of the Orion Nebula!" The Doctor was messing something underneath a floor grate, not really concentrating on his answer.

(On the TARDIS console, the Organic Life Proximity Sensor was beeping)

"So when I open these doors, there aren't going to be some Martians pointing their ray guns at us all 'which one a youse gunna be the first in this here Chicago overcoat?'"

(He had not-quite-stolen and installed it after opening the doors onto one too many gun-toting aliens.)

There was a beat in which the Doctor considered all the trains of thought that were suddenly preparing to leave his mental station en masse. But one was being particularly insistent -

"Martians don't sound like that!" he protested.

Donna merely raised an eyebrow. The Doctor huffed and moved over to the doors.

(_Beep-beep beeeeep_)

"Donna. There is a bascially zero percent chance that a group of aliens are standing out there with their ray guns and acting like stereotypcial 20s gangsters."

And with that, he flung open the doors.  
  


Then he stopped.

"Ah -"

"Alright will you two come along quietly or will I have to use this here gat?" a brusque voice demanded.

It belonged to a large burly alien, wearing a dark, badly-tailored suit. Xey had an equally large gun in one hand, and equally dark fedora on each head. Xey looked, in fact, suspiciously like a stereotypical 20s gangster,

Typical.

"Well it's not a _ray_ g-" The Doctor's voice cut off suddenly due the elbow subtly, but sharply, jabbed into his ribs.

"Shut it, spaceman."

So with the threat of the not-ray gun at their backs, the Doctor and Donna were lead into the unknown.

Theirs not to reason why, theirs not to make reply, theirs but to do...

** **

...

** **

...

** **

"D'you reckon we're nearly there?"

"Donna!"

** **

...

** **

The long way round. Familiar street. Strange street. Familiar street?  
Not dark yet. What about...  
No. Can't be.  
Well -

** **

...

** **

The alien rapped on a discrete metal door.

"Take you a long time to come up with that passcode?" the Doctor asked idly - like him and Donna hadn't just been kidnapped.

He was met with a glare from both heads.

"Now you'd better dry up fast 'cause Moses ain't gonna take none of your bushwa."

"Moses? Is that who we're about to see?" The Doctor seemed extraordinarily unconcerned by this development.

Donna, however, did not.

"Doctor-" she started, warningly.

He waved a hand.  
"It's fine! Moses and I go way back. Xey're just a crime lord really, nothing for you to worry about."

This - unsurprisingly enough - didn't help.

Donna inhaled, ready to really let this alien (or maybe both - she hadn't quite decided yet) have a piece of her mind. But time is a fickle thing, and it was at that moment the door swung open with a creak.

It was time to confront Moses...

** **

Their footsteps rang out on the hard metal floor. A desk, lit by a lone naked bulb, greeted them.

"Moses! So good to see you again!" the Doctor shouted out to the figure behind it.

"Well vada at those sorry eeks," Moses drawled. One mouth smoked a cigar whilst the other was twisted into a sneer.

The Doctor leaned over to Donna, sighing as he did so.

"I'm sorry but xey has got absolutely no sense of style. I mean - Polari slang when xer henchpeople are clearly going for American gangsters? It's like xey forgot the people of Kaltro IV only have one gender!" he muttered emphatically, doing a convincing impression of someone in a different room to the one they're insulting.

Moses cleared xer throats.

"Quite finished?" xey asked icily, continuing as the Doctor nodded. "You want to know what an omi and a dona such as yourselves are doing in this lattie of mine, I suppose? Well -"

Xey were still talking, but Donna had had enough. In fact, she had had enough back when the not-ray gun was first pointed at her, and her annoyance had had a good long time to build up since.

"Oh, Moses supposes do xey, _sunshine_?" she interrupted.

Moses looked like the only reason stopping her painful and prolonged death was the fact that xey didn't want to get blood all over xer nice new desk.

But now memories of a long-ago movie night were coming to the forefront of the Doctor's and Donna's minds, thanks to her otherwise innocuous words. They shared a grin; a very small, very nasty grin that said:  
_oh we're going to enjoy this so very much_

"I can't help but think," the Doctor began, "what more Moses might suppose."  
He sauntered closer to the desk, watched suspiciously by one head.  
"For example, why is Moses sat behind this desk?"

Now Donna was moving too, circling in from the other direction. There was something uncomfortably shark-like in it.  
"What if Moses supposes something about xer toeses?" she wondered aloud. "That would certainly be a reason to keep them hidden behind furniture."

The Doctor looked over in faux-surprise.  
"No..."

"Yep."

"_Really_?"

"Yep!"

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief.  
"You're telling me, that Moses - the most feared crime lord in the Kaltro system - supposes that xer toeses are roses?"

Donna was smiling widely, ignoring the glares coming from the being in question.  
"Yeah. But Moses, right, xey're smart. Xey must _knowses_ xer toeses aren't roses. Even if that's what xey supposes them to be."

"Nononono," came the reply. "I think you were right the first time - Moses really does supposes that xer toeses are roses."

"Well then. Moses supposes -"

"SHUT UP!" Moses roared - both heads at once. Xey were _fuming_, angrier than the Doctor had ever seen xem. But the Doctor and Donna had only just got going - they weren't going to stop for anyone.

"Hey Doctor," Donna continued. "It appears that Moses supposes we're going to shut up."

The Doctor scoffed in derision.  
"Know what I think, Donna?

I reckon Moses supposes erroneously."

**Author's Note:**

> [This video](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tciT9bmCMq8) is one of the most iconic scene in film
> 
> So [i-run-a-trash-blog](https://i-run-a-trash-blog.tumblr.com/) on tumblr posts quality Doctor + Donna content but specifically [this one](https://i-run-a-trash-blog.tumblr.com/post/188011789808/i-cant-tell-if-tendonna-is-a-brotp-or-a-rotp-for) and I just couldn't get the image of the Doctor and Donna recreating the Moses scene together whenever they had the oppotunity


End file.
